The Word

I'm tired of the "R-word." It comes up far too often and I get so tired of trying to make judgement calls on eductating the current ignorant person or not. I found this portion of a blog I wrote in February:

The "r" word is such an annoying thing. I was one of the most ignorant people ever as I didn't get it either. It was never brought to my attention that the way we used it was wrong - and I obviously never took a moment to even think about it on my own. I feel so bad for the years that I used it.


 "It just means 'slow' - I can call people/things 'slow.'"


It is so abundantly clear to me now. I really don't understand how I didn't get it before. To call someone or something "retarded," you are clearly trying to put that person or thing down. You are making a derrogatory statement against them and the best insult you could come up with is "retarded." That is saying the person or thing you are referring to should feel bad that you've hurled this "insult" against them. That is saying that the people who are intellectually challenged and actually have this clinical term attached to them are less than you, are a part of our society that is lower than those who don't have intellectual challenges. How in the world is that fair? People with this disabiliity have done nothing to you, did not ask to have this disability and don't deserve to be treated like second-class citizens.


I get tired of hearing that we're "sensitive" - really? It's no different than the "n" word for African Americans, or calling things that you think are stupid "gay" - or any other word that shows complete disrespect for other human beings. Whether we understand others, or agree with how they live their lives, doesn't give us the right to make fun of or disrespect them. We're all here to help each other and make our short experiences on this earth as good as possible. I hate that human nature is to be ignorant and negative.

There is a world of difference between a person who makes unintelligent choices and a person who has a disability.
I know that when that word comes out, and I am in the group, it is up to me to step up and say something, and most times I do. But I also wish that just once someone else that is not me or my husband would put themselves in the uncomfortable spot of helping to educate on this topic for the sake of a better future for Grady and other people with intellectual disabilites. Maybe it happens within our circle when we aren't around. That definitely could be and I sure hope so, but I would be so very grateful if someone in our group would start the dialouge first for a change of pace. There's just something so energizing about knowing that someone has your back.

It is our job to be the best advocates for our son that we can be. Educating the educatable (I've learned that it is an unfortunate truth that there are some people that are a complete waste of time in this arena) is part of that job. It sometimes gets so mentally and emotionally exhausting.

Anyway, if you happen to be reading this blog, do everyone a favor. Do a self check before words fly out of your mouth. Do they mean what you think they do? What is your purpose in the words you choose? Are you being hurtful to anyone by choosing to use them? Don't teach your children the missteps you've used for so long.

The world will be a better place when we stop using other people's disabilities as "funny fodder" to put other people down.